Mental Health Awareness Week — Day 4.
Coping mechanisms part 2 — Anger. Suicidality. Altruism
We’ll never get free
Lamb to the slaughter
What you gon’ do
When there’s blood in the water?
The price of your greed
Is your son and your daughter
What you gon’ do
When there’s blood in the water?
Sometimes you need to be angry. Like really angry. You need to point fingers and place the blame and hate the people who made you like this. You want them to know how much pain they’ve caused you. You want them to know that when you kill yourself it will be at least in part their fault. You want them to feel bad for that. But you know they won’t accept their guilt. They’ll go on doing the same things to others, and you can’t stop them. You know you’ll never actually tell them how you feel about this. Being angry helps. At least you’re not blaming yourself at this point in time.
2. Ready to question — Gabrielle Aplin
I’m ready to question
That life is a blessing
Give me a sign am I following blind
Is there anyone listening? I don’t know
It’s been a thought I’ve had a lot. How much pain is life worth? At what point is the lack of pain and the lack of pleasure preferable? At points in my life the balance was definitely tipped towards oblivion. I was angry with my parents for even having me. They made me, I suffered this pain, and my only way to escape it was also painful. I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up, because life was just pain. The scales are in a better balance now. But I don’t regret my view of the balance at that point. And I don’t think “imagine if I’d killed myself then, I’d have missed out on all of this life” — that pain was unbearable, and I thought it would never end. “It gets better” — I always thought that was a lie. Yes, it does get better, but it takes time, and so much effort, and you won’t convince someone with that cliché.
She stands on the ledge
She says, “It looks so high”
You know it’s a
Long way down
Feels like a long way down
This one I read in two ways. On the surface, it’s thinking about whether to jump. But my favourite reading is that you’re standing in that better place, but you know that deep dark hole goes so far down, and you’re not sure how stable your ledge is. You’re not sure if you’re going to fall down that hole again. And you have no idea how you’d get yourself back out of it.
Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels
I drown it with a drink and out of date prescription pills
And all the ones that love me they just left me on the shelf
My farewell
So before I save someone else, I’ve got to save myselfBut if don’t
Then I’ll go back
To where I’m rescuing a stranger
Just because they needed saving just like that
Oh, I’m here again
Between the devil and the danger
But I guess it’s just my nature
Altruism. It’s one of the ways I keep myself happy to be here. It’s how I build my self worth. If I end the day having done something to improve someone else’s life, then it’s worth it for me to be here. It’s no surprise I chose the altruistic profession, it’s no surprise I have taken positions of responsibility which involve me giving a lot and not getting a lot. But it takes a lot out of you. It takes so much. And sometimes you have to step back and look after yourself to make sure you can continue doing this. But that doesn’t mean I should stop doing it altogether. It’s a life ring for me, it’s a life ring for a lot of us.
