Mental Health Awareness Week — Day 2.
Eating disorders, PTSD, Panic attacks and insomnia
You’re using your headphones
To drown out your mind
It was so easy
And the words so sweet
You can’t remember
You try to move your feet eet eeet eeet
Eeet eeeet eeet
Technically a song about depression. But you know why I’ve put it down as an eating disorders song. People with eating disorders don’t forget to eat. Active anorexia nervosa makes you constantly aware of food. At any point in the day you know how much you’ve already eaten, and what you’re planning to eat for the rest of the day. You’re thinking of ways to avoid people noticing you’re not eating, ways to minimise the energy load in your next meal, ways to reduce the hunger pains. Eating is a constant thought, almost a mantra. So this song I feel quite accurately reflects the inside of my head when I was going through that. “eat, eat, eat” a constant mantra, just overpowered by the mantra of “don’t eat, don’t eat, don’t eat”. It’s a classic angel and devil situation, except you can’t figure out which is which.
2. Reminds me of you — Juice WRLD & The Kid Laroi
I can’t play that song ’cause it reminds me of you
I can’t watch that show ’cause it reminds me of you
I can’t even go there, it reminds me of you
I don’t wanna do that, it reminds me of you
Cut off all my friends ’cause they remind me of you
I can’t drink again ’cause I’m reminded of you
I don’t wanna do shit that reminds me of you
Everything and everywhere reminds me of you
PTSD triggers are everywhere. I see black hair, it triggers me. I see someone of a certain build, it triggers me. I see a certain facial expression, it triggers me. Triggers are everywhere. Most days I can get through it without having a panic attack. Some days my brain can’t take it, and everyone on the streets morphs into the people I’m scared to see. I hide inside for a day, a week , a fortnight— however long it takes me to feel like I could go outside and see those triggers and not break down again.
3. Breathe (2am) — Anna Nalick
Two am, and I’m still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer
Inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd
’Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you’ll use them, however you want to
And breathe, just breathe
Oh, breathe, just breathe
Oh, breathe, just breathe
Oh, breathe, just breathe
Panic attacks. Your chest is tight. Logically you know you’re okay, but it doesn’t feel it. You have to remind yourself to breathe. In and out. Just breathe. Breathe through it, and eventually you’ll be able to get up off the floor and go about life in a wobbly, shakey, but still vaguely competent way. The worst will pass. You just have to breathe.
4. Lately — Ed Sheeran ft. Devlin
I never sleep
When trouble steals thoughts from my restless mind for free, it could be
The times I’m living in I never sleep, when trouble steals thoughts from my restless mind for free, it could be
The times I’m living in lately
Mental health affects sleep. When you can’t shut off those thoughts running around and around your head, and you’re reliving the worst parts of your life. You’re imagining if you were able to confront the people who had hurt you, what you’d do. You’re imagining what you could have done differently in all the situations you’re obsessing over. This song is great on 2 counts. Firstly it’s actually lyrically about lack of sleep. Secondly the rhythm is pretty much exactly what an overstuffed brain trying to sleep sounds like — fast paced, confusing, frantic. At points it sounds like it’s climbing towards a panic attack. If your brain doesn’t want to stop, sometimes the easiest thing to do is to work through it. Do that essay, homework, revision, whatever it takes to distract your mind. You might never sleep, but at least you’re taking your mind off the pain partially.
